Semi-Crunchy Mama™

The Paradox of the Lonely Mother

After becoming a mother you're rarely alone. My son's favorite place has always been pressed against me at all times.

(I'm not sure how dads get a free solo pass to the bathroom but there has to be some mystery left in the universe.)

Yet, at the same time, motherhood can be extremely isolating.

We no longer live in village communities where extended multi-generational families care for each other. I'm not romanticizing this idea, but as someone whose immediate family lives thousands of miles away, there is a certain appeal.

We feel pressure to bounce back, whether it's into our pre-baby jeans, fitness routine, work schedule, or other obligations.

Yet we have no idea how motherhood will change us. No matter when (or if) we fit back into those jeans, a different person is putting them on. Our lives revolve around different needs and priorities, few of which are our own.

I have over 1,000 friends on Facebook, yet do I really know what's going on in their lives? I talked to a friend recently on Skype and said, "I know all about your kids' sleep schedules, but how are YOU?"

I love all the connections I have on social media to share experiences, yet how deep do those connections go? And what experiences do we actually share?

I'm guilty of this myself.

Every night I post three "daily positives" on my Facebook wall. They range from moments of gratitude to fun things we did or silver linings I experienced that day. Some days I truly have to dig deep.

Those posts are for ME.

But when other people look at them, they may think everything over here is sunshine and roses all the time.

I don't post about the breakfast my son threw on the floor that I had to clean up, or the potty accident he had, or how he ran out the back door naked while I was trying to clean up the afore(not)mentioned messes. I don't want to dwell on those moments in my own life.

I don't want to constantly read about those moments from others, either, to be honest.

Like I mentioned to a friend, people don't get dogs so they can pick up poop, but that's also part of the deal.

But I know that my posts play into the idea that everything is going well all the time. And that's not true.

After this topic came up multiple times in a week, I organized my first mama circle here in San Diego. I have never led anything like this before and wanted to make sure it worked like I thought it would. It ended with everyone in tears and a group hug. It was amazing.

The most voiced comment? "I thought I was the only one."

You're not the only one.

It's hard to be vulnerable at all, let alone when we're chasing our kids at the park or trying to stop our toddlers from eating food they found on the ground or changing a diaper. It's hard to maintain a complete train of thought when we're parenting, let alone finish a sentence - or truly listen to one. It's hard to truly connect.

Humans are social animals. Even introverts need to be heard and understood.

Mothers Circle is held the second Friday of the month in San Diego. To hear about upcoming circles, or upcoming training to hold your own circles, get updates by email.

One Month of Meal Planning (Gluten-Free and Vegetarian)

When I ran my January meal planning challenge, it was as much for me as for everyone else. I loved seeing what everyone else was making, what their goals were, and what changes they saw during the month.

At our house, our goal was to save time, energy, and money - plus try to use up some languishing pantry items stuffed in the mysterious depths of the cupboards or freezer. And we did! Sure there were a few days that we had to switch around due to life happening, but it was a relief to avoid the last minute decision making of what to make for dinner.

Overwhelmed at the prospect? I have an online meal planning workshop coming up. Or for more tips, check out my meal planning Pinterest board!

I only plan 4 dinners each week since we usually have enough for leftovers at least once, plus we have dinner at a friend's house most Thursdays. My husband works weekends and we often have activities, so I keep those nights open.

We also get a CSA (community supported agriculture) box of local veggies each Thursday at the farmers market, so we incorporate those as much as possible. We eat a little seafood at home, otherwise I'm vegetarian, and I'm currently not eating gluten, either.

Week 1

Polenta with Peppers and Mushrooms
Broccoli Cheddar Soup
Spinach and Artichoke Quinoa Casserole
Homemade Gluten-Free Pizza

Week 2

Chickpea and Mushroom Polenta (we didn't love this one)
Lentil and Hominy Chili
Gluten-Free Crispy Orange Cauliflower
BBQ Tempeh Tacos with Shredded Cabbage

Week 3

Black Bean Enchiladas
Wild Rice Soup
Cold Vietnamese Noodle Bowls
Grilled Veggies

Week 4

Homemade Gluten-Free Pizza
Black Bean Tacos
Vegetarian Chili with Gluten-Free Cornbread
Stir Fry

What are some of your go-to meals?

If your best meal planning intentions end up in a mess of recipes and guilty takeout, you're not alone. Join me from home (wear your PJs, I won't judge) and we'll cover strategies to finally get you started with my online meal planning workshop.

The Biggest Secret of Parenting

Before my son was born I read a lot more about birth than parenting. Considering that information only covered about 12 hours from my first contraction, I had a lot of catch up to do once he arrived.

And wow, the learning curve felt steep. When he was around 10 months old I finally read this article about features of a high needs baby. My son met 11 of the 12 criteria.

I just thought all babies were like that because he was the only one I had.

Other moms' mentioned their high-needs babies and I thought about how terrible that sounded - my son wouldn't sleep longer than 37 minutes, had to be constantly held, and went from 0-to-hysterical in 3 seconds flat. And they had it worse?

Apparently not. Whew.

(Looking back I have no idea how I survived those first two years with my sanity relatively intact, though that's up for debate.)

Entering my third trimester of pregnancy with my second child I vacillate between peace and panic. On one hand, at least I have some idea of what to expect.

On the other hand, I have some idea of what to expect -- plus a 3-year-old. Hold me.

Parenting Secret: None of us have ANY IDEA what we are doing

With my first I felt intense pressure to "do it right." I wanted to read all the books and articles and expert opinions.

Then I learned that anyone who tells you there is one way to do anything is selling you their book.

Do I give weight in to experienced professionals say and what studies can show us? Yes. But the most important thing is doing what works for me and my family. I am the expert at my children.

So I'll stock up on strategies for smooth transitions for siblings, but this time I will have fewer expectations of myself. Because I don't know much about THIS baby yet.

In a class with Pam England (author of Birthing From Within) she explained her philosophy of "B+ Parenting."

She said that none of us can ever be a perfect parent. When we think we can, we set ourselves up for failure. Instead, she says, aim to be a B+ parent. Better than average, but without the pressure of never screwing anything up.

We will inevitably screw up.

That's what parenting is about. It's picking our battles and trying not to screw up too bad while loving the crap out of these little imperfect humans. We're learning along with them.

You're doing the best you can with what you have available at the moment. That's enough.

You're enough.

Not feeling like it lately? Motherhood can be an overwhelming hamster wheel of laundry and trying to remember what else you need to do.

If you're feeling stuck and don't even know where to start, you're not alone. If you need a hand to make the leap, I'd love to offer mine.

Want to stay in the loop?

Let's be honest - you'll forget to check back. Because mom brain is real.

February Self Care Challenge

I had so much fun doing the #mealplanningmama challenge in January that I'm hosting another one in February!

This Valentine month is all about love, right? We all love our families, even when it's tough. Even when we have to dig deep in the moment. Even when we feel like we're drawing from an empty well.

But what about ourselves?

It's hard enough before having kids. Women are told not to be selfish, to take care of other people, to put others' needs ahead of our own.

And part of having small children often means putting their immediate needs (which they cannot fulfill themselves) first.

The downside is that when we spend all of our time taking care of other people, we run out of energy to take care of ourselves. With all the work we do caring for others, it seems reasonable that someone else would step up to take care of us.

But they won't.

This is where self-care comes in.

February Instagram Challenge with SemiCrunchymama

When I notice I'm resentful or bitter, I know -- I need some self-care.
When I blame my husband for my grumpiness or can't make decisions because I'm out of brain cells, I need some self-care.
When I'm having trouble handling my toddler because I'm having trouble handling myself... you guessed it. Self-care time.

Sometimes we over complicate, though, and think self-care needs to mean a spa weekend, a massage, or some retail therapy. There's nothing wrong with those things, but sometimes they seem out of reach and we tell ourselves we don't have time/money/resources for that kind of thing. And we might not!

Self-care can be as simple as listening to the music YOU like while you cook dinner. It can be a hot shower or bath. It can be working out, a yoga class or quick routine at home, or even a simple walk.

What can you think of that recharges you and makes you feel more "you?"

Join me on Instagram to stay accountable and get more ideas this whole month.

We'll start small and work our way into making sure we feel more loved so we can be more loving to those around us. I'll check in each week with the hashtag #selfcaresunday and prompts to get you going. Answer in the comments, or post your own photo on your account to show what you're up to.

Stretch yourself! (Maybe literally AND figuratively.)

And hey, I wouldn't turn down a massage, either.

I can't wait to see what happens. CLICK HERE to follow me on Instagram and check there on Sundays!

Want to stay in the loop?

Let's be honest - you'll forget to check back. Because mom brain is real.

January Meal Planning Mama Challenge!

I took a little informal survey last month about what moms were struggling with, and so many of them listed meal prep and chores as a painful obstacle to happiness and fulfillment.

Add to that the resentment of time spent shopping, cooking, and cleaning up afterward, plus the guilt after relying on not-so-healthy meals because you're out of time and brain cells, and eating isn't exactly enjoyable.

That leads straight to the snack ledge at Trader Joe's where food intentions go to get fat and die. Cue guilt spiral.

Sound familiar?

I've totally been there, and I'm a freaking health coach here. My husband worked a zillion hours a week (Ok, fine, 75 plus commute) and I was a giant sleep-deprived ball of stress and carb cravings.

Then his schedule changed to be less intense and more regular (clouds part, angels sing), and we did something drastic: we started meal planning. This is particularly ironic since I create customized meal plans for clients that take hours of research. But I was winging it for us.

FAIL.

Now as soon as the kiddo goes to bed on Sunday night, we take a whopping 10 minutes to sit down and make a meal plan for the week. Then we do a quick kitchen inventory to add to the grocery list as needed. I slot each meal on our shared Google calendar, and we're set. So easy it's almost embarrassing that it took this long.

Want to give it a try? You should!

Starting Monday, January 4th, I'll post on Instagram using the hashtag #mealplanningmama with our plan for the week. Comment with your own, or post using the hashtag so we can find it. We all get accountability, plus more ideas for our own plans. Win-win!

No one is going to put you in meal planning jail if you make mistakes, mess up, or fall off the wagon.

I'll post my tips and resources along with my plans, too, so share what works for you and your family. We're in this together.

CLICK HERE to download a meal planning outline with grocery list that I've used for many clients to get you started.

Here's to a happy healthy 2016!

Want to stay in the loop?

Let's be honest - you'll forget to check back. Because mom brain is real.

Where Should I Give Birth?

“Oh, you had your baby at home? Yeah, we were gonna do that, but we wanted our baby to live.”
- Jim Gaffigan, Mr. Universe

How are you feeling, Mama?

Let's be honest: first trimester kinda sucks.

Hormones flood your system. Your digestive system is on strike with each part protesting something different. You're exhausted, possibly bloated and nauseous, and may not want to explain why to your employer or friends yet.

I once described the first trimester of pregnancy as similar to having mono, but without the sore throat. The kissing disease, indeed. And just like in college, you have plenty of studying to do.

Because in addition to choosing your future child's favorite sports team and college major, you also have to decide the location in which your baby will exit the cozy mobile home that is your uterus. (Don't worry about the decor, newborns can only see about 8-12 inches away at birth!)

Hospital

Almost 99% of U.S. births take place in hospital labor and delivery units, and physicians attend 86% of them. This is based on cultural norms, and probably on your health insurance coverage.

(Note: This would be a great time to review your maternity coverage to avoid dropping your newborn in shock and horror when you get your hospital bill. We were asked "cash or credit?" about 2 hours after I squeezed our son out of my body.)

Photo credit: Ariel Dolfo

Why most expecting mothers choose a hospital:

It's expected, so women may not know there are other options
Insurance coverage may not cover anything else, at least not obviously
High-risk pregnancies, which make up about 15% of hospital births, are generally not eligible for alternative locations
Concern that something will go wrong and wanting to be at a hospital just in case
Medically necessary induction or Cesarean birth

Some hospital birth statistics(*):

The Cesarean rate is around 33% for low-risk women (health organizations look for 10% as an acceptable level)
87% of laboring mothers receive continuous fetal monitoring and 76% are restricted to bed
80% receive IV fluids
43% have labor induced, and 47% have their labor accelerated with medication
92% give birth lying on their backs

Birth Center

According to the American Association of Birth Centers, a birth center is "a home-like setting where care providers, usually midwives, provide family-centered care to healthy pregnant women." Though much less common than a hospital setting, they can be a great midpoint between a medical hospital environment and a home birth.

Photo credit: Vuefinder Photography, San Diego Birth Photographer

Some reasons women choose a birth center:

Low-risk pregnancy with little need for medical care
Preference for a "wellness" model of prenatal care
Desire to avoid artificially induced labor or other interventions
Traumatic associations with a previous hospital birth

Some birth center statistics(*):

84% of women who planned to were able to give birth at the birth center
Even with women who transferred to the hospital, the overall Cesarean rate was only 6%
Less than 1% of women had to transfer to the hospital during labor, and over half were still able to have a vaginal birth
The average birth center birth costs roughly half that of an uncomplicated vaginal birth in the hospital

Home Birth

Fewer than 1% of American women choose to give birth at home (compared with around 2.5% in the UK and around 20% in the Netherlands). Statistics can be hard to come by since they are less common, and there is a difference between a planned home birth and an unplanned one (baby arrives quickly, for example).

Photo credit: Ariel Dolfo

Some reasons women choose home birth:

Control (fear of medical interventions at the hospital)
Comfort - no travel required, able to stay in familiar surroundings
Cost - home birth can be less expensive than a hospital birth
No need for childcare if not a first birth

Some home birth statistics(* and *):

Between 2004 and 2010, the number of home births in the United States rose by 41% (from ~.5% to ~.7% of total births), and only 22% were first births
Of planned home births studied from 2004-2009, over 89% were able to give birth at home
Cesarean rates were 5.2%
Postpartum transfer rates were 1.5% for mothers and 0.9% for infants

Well that's a lot of math, isn't it?

How is a hormonal, exhausted, overwhelmed mama to choose? Especially when they like to throw around statistics involving death.

Take your risk factors into account and you may find the hospital is the best place for your birth.
Talk to your partner. My husband's only request was that I give birth in the hospital, though he was eventually willing to consider a birth center. (We are planning a home birth for our next child.)
Think about how far you (or your caregivers) are from that location.
Know your budget and the costs of what is and isn't covered by your insurance - it may surprise you.

Whatever you decide, know this:

You can absolutely have a beautiful, peaceful natural childbirth experience at a hospital, or birth center, or at home. You can absolutely have a beautiful, peaceful childbirth with an epidural. You can even have a beautiful, peaceful Cesarean birth.

If you feel drawn toward a birth center or home birth but are nervous, tour/interview the facility/midwives. You can always opt for the hospital anyway.

More about birth plans next time. Happy gestating!

The Sh*tty Side of Pregnancy (Literally)

On the other end...

My last post covers what you may be putting into your body, but there's also the topic of what comes out. Or doesn't.

Yep, I mean constipation, one of the most annoying side effects of pregnancy that hits you like a brick. A brick that won't move. Right in your colon.

Hit back with a full frontal (middle?) assault of tons of water and fiber. If you're having trouble drinking enough water, try adding fruit (citrus slices, strawberries), cucumber slices, or mint for a hint of flavor. Your goal should be around half your body weight in ounces of water per day (if you weigh 130 pounds, aim for 65 ounces of water and see how you feel).

Drinking a large glass of water first thing in the morning can help ward off nausea and headaches, and it help get things moving in your GI tract as well. If you're up to it, physical activity also stimulates digestion, so a walk or other exercise is not only good for you, but good for your gut.

"Fiber" doesn't sound sexy, so think in terms of:

eating whole grains instead of refined ones
incorporating nuts and seeds
snacking on fresh and dried fruit
and adding dark leafy greens to your diet (try a smoothie, or sauteed with eggs)

It's not as hard as it sounds. Try brown rice or whole wheat pasta instead of white. Eat some trail mix. Have fruit available at all time. Opt for a side salad instead of fries when you eat out.

Have you ever eaten too many blueberries or prunes in one sitting? No such thing when you're baking a baby. And those micronutrients in leafy greens include the folate you need to help in the earliest days of your pregnancy.

What about supplements?

Normally I'm a whole food, plant-based kind of girl, but sometimes you need a little oomph. I pretty much ate cereal and yogurt my first trimester. Nothing with flavor sounded good and I was too tired to cook.

Some groups suggest eating tons of organ meats and a zillion fermented things. No thanks, guys. I barely have an appetite anyway, and my own organ meats are having a hard time. But if you need a little energy boost and are worried, these can help.

(This is not medical advice and should not be construed as such. This is what I have personally taken, however, and have recommended them to clients and friends. Amazon links are affiliate links, so if you purchase the items I suggested I get a few cents from it.)

Floradix. This liquid iron supplement is non-constipating. It tastes like juice stirred with a rusty nail, but I felt less fatigued after only 2-3 days of taking it.
Your prenatals. A vitamin supplement doesn't cancel out a bad diet, but it can help smooth over rough patches. Also, your body is drawing on your nutrient stores to build your placenta and baby, so you need to replenish them for yourself!
Magnesium. There is a range of opinion on rates of magnesium deficiency, but taking a little too much isn't dangerous, it just can give you diarrhea. If that happens, back off! Magnesium is the active ingredient in milk of magnesia, a laxative. As a side bonus, magnesium can help those restless legs and cramps at night, too. Several friends swear by this calcium-magnesium combo (just don't take it with your iron supplement since calcium can inhibit absorption).
Vitamin D3. 95% of American adults are deficient in vitamin D. Most of us aren't out in the sun long enough with enough skin exposed to get enough naturally, and while foods are fortified with it, we're still not getting enough. Vitamin D helps with the absorption of other nutrients as well as sleep. (It's also important when you're breastfeeding.) I recommend at least 5000iu. You'd have to take about 40 bottles at once to overdose, and it doesn't store in your system, so you can't take too much without trying.

Is it nap time yet? I thought so.

Happy pooping!

Can I Eat That If I’m Pregnant?

Ok, let's talk happy hour.

By now the newness of pregnancy may be wearing off.

How much reading have you done so far? The self-declared "bible" is What to Expect When You're Expecting. The subtitle should be "Horror Stories to Keep You Up at Night Between Bathroom Trips for the Next Nine Months."

Instead they just call it "America's #1 pregnancy book." Weird choice, but whatever!

I dutifully checked a copy out from the library and started reading, but I didn't even make it through the first trimester. This from someone who sat through the entirety of Battlefield: Earth in the theater.

The conflicting information out there about what you can and can't eat during pregnancy is enough to drive someone to drink - except that's off limits, too!

...Isn't it?

DISCLAIMER! I'm not a medical professional and I'm not saying you SHOULD do anything I say, I'm just telling you what *I* did. Please do what feels comfortable for you based on your research and professional advice, and don't sue me. I'm going to have to feed a teenage boy in a decade or so and need to invest that ish. Thanks!

The most common questions I hear are about alcohol, sushi, and soft cheese.

BOOZE, yay or nay?

Women in Europe are advised to have only a few drinks a week. Our litigious society in the Land of Malpractice isn't willing to say you can drink, but there's a difference between having a glass of wine and tossing back a 40 of Mickey's in the parking lot.

My husband likes to point out that if drinking any alcohol during pregnancy was harmful, we wouldn't have the French, Italians, Irish, Austrians, Germans, Russians... You get the idea. He also took his duty of "drinking for two" very seriously during my pregnancy.

That said, alcohol smelled and tasted awful to me for most of my gestational tenure. While I wasn't opposed to drinking in principle, it didn't appeal to me in practice anyway. I'm not saying you should take it up, either, but a glass of wine your third trimester can actually help you relax according to some midwives I know.

SAY CHEESE!

Back away from the cheese plate of CERTAIN DEATH. Right?

Listeria bacteria are actually quite common, but pregnancy's immune suppressing qualities make moms-to-be 20 times more susceptible than average to falling ill from exposure. The concern is unpasteurized varieties of cheese, usually soft and blue ones. The irony is that the U.S. outlawed most unpasteurized cheeses that aren't aged for 60 days (figuring that soaking in salt for 2 months will kill off the bacteria) in 1949.

Heat kills the bacteria which is why cold cuts are also at risk, as are coleslaw, hot dogs, and chicken. Cold cuts aren't really doing you any nutritional favors, and listeria would just be the disgusting icing on the salty meat cake. Ewww.

The cheese probably won't hurt you, but there are a lot of alternatives since most cheese isn't a risk.

SUSHI

Mmm, sushi. First off, "sushi" actually means "vinegar rice," so there are plenty of fish-free options no matter what you decide. The recommendation to avoid uncooked fish apparently stems from concern for a particular parasite found in fish. Specifically found in freshwater fish which aren't used for sushi. This parasite is killed by flash freezing, which is required for all fish (including sushi-grade) that's served in the U.S.

So don't eat sketchy back alley sushi, whether you're pregnant or not. My bigger concern would be avoiding fish with high mercury levels like tuna.

If you're afraid of food poisoning, it's anecdotal, but I know more people who have gotten food poisoning from fast food than from sushi, and no one is saying all pregnant women should avoid Wendy's. Well, that's not true, because I am. Consider yourself warned!

CLICK HERE for my favorite resource of "Things Pregnant Women Supposedly Shouldn't Do" over at Pregnant Chicken.

Wow, that was long.

You should go take a nap.

Congratulations, you’re growing a baby!

Isn't that crazy? And exhausting!

When you first get pregnant, your body kicks into baby-building mode by flooding your system with HCG. I like to think of it as a reverse hormone hangover (the higher your blood alcohol, the bigger the headache; the bigger the spike in hormones - twins, for example - the stronger symptoms you may have).

Did you know less than half of pregnant women experience morning sickness? If you were surprised that you weren't terribly sick, you're not alone. If you WERE terribly sick, you're a special snowflake and it sucks to be you. Sorry!

First up: growing a placenta.

Growing is HARD WORK you guys, that's why kids take naps. And so should you. Resistance is futile, so just cave in now -- you'll feel better, I promise. I was just lucky I work at home because I took 2 naps a day. I even turned down a job offer because it would interfere with my nap schedule. #naps4eva

So! There's a 50/50 chance you're nauseous, you're so tired you can barely sit upright, and now you have to feed yourself?

Well, crap.

A few thoughts on eating during early pregnancy

A puppy dies every time someone says, "You're eating for two!" You are eating for 1, plus a clump of cells the size of a pea which requires no extra calories.
Lightning should strike people who say, "The baby takes what it needs." The baby can't take what's not there, so if you are low on folic acid, so is the baby.
There is no such thing as too much fiber during pregnancy. The same goes for water. True story: I once ate half a watermelon by myself one day when I was pregnant with no deleterious side effects. (Yes, then I took a nap.)

Do I really need to take prenatal vitamins?
As a health coach, I work with clients to get nutrients through whole foods. However, pregnancy is tough and exhaustion can take a toll on your desire and ability to cook. Taking vitamins isn't going to hurt you or the baby, and will probably help. Missing a dose will not cause your child to have webbed toes or something.

My first trimester diet staples were Greek yogurt and cereal because that's all I could tolerate or prepare. Taking a prenatal vitamin reduced my stress about trying to cook. There was also a major heat wave when I was pregnant and Ryan Gosling coming over for a home-cooked meal would not have enticed me to turn on any appliance.

Other ideas for easy, nutrient-rich foods:

Fresh fruit has fiber and water - double win! Dried fruit can be high in sugar, but is a great snack combined with nuts for slow-digesting fat and protein.
Green juice and green smoothies flood your system with nutrients but don't take much work. Especially if you just grab one at the juice bar. Make sure it's not too fruit-heavy.
If you normally cook a lot from scratch, don't feel guilty getting pre-cut fruit and veggies, or getting take out more often. Focus on getting enough protein and iron, then just try to eat as much fiber as possible.
Protein can help reduce nausea and fatigue, plus it keeps you full longer. I ate a lot of eggs. If you can only tolerate carbs, at least make them whole grain to prevent spiking your blood sugar.

Many pregnancy books suggest meal plans that are more food than many women want to eat. Your blood volume increases by 50% or more, and dehydration can masquerade as hunger. Drink a metric crap-ton of water (start with half your weight in ounces - so 140 pound woman should drink 70 ounces of water) every day, take your vitamins, and do your best.

Next time: What NOT to eat. ...Or can you?

Now go take a nap. You've earned it.

Are You Crunchy Enough?

Hey Mama! Welcome to the crunchy club.

I'm glad you're here.

No matter where your crunchy path began (or if you're still trying to find it), you're in the right place. We're all doing the best we can for our kids with the information we have at the time.

At least the information we can remember. We're a little sleep-deprived up in these parts.

(According to reliable source Urban Dictionary)

Crunchy parenting is a slippery slope. Your friend lends you a book and suddenly you find yourself injecting tea tree oil into your wool dryer balls for a load of organic cloth diapers, wondering how you got here.

But it doesn't happen all at once. Five years ago I lived on white pasta and coffee, took hormonal birth control, and had a cabinet full of pills for cold symptoms. Now, even my husband reaches for the neti pot and asks me where the essential oils are.

When I got pregnant with my son in 2012, I started to research. Like any modern pregnant lady I dutifully trotted my digital self over to BabyCenter and signed up for my birth club.

O. M. G. You. Guys.

There are some seriously crazy people out there, and they flock to BabyCenter like flies to honey laced with cocaine. A few of their articles are helpful, but most left me shaking my head.

I looked up attachment parenting (AP), but Dr. Sears' The Baby Book made me stabby. I wanted a drink, but that was out (or was it? So confusing!). Shouldn't something exist between the choices of "just do what your doctor says" and "only sustainably-raised organic virgin unicorn tears should touch your baby or he will die?"

So I decided to find and make it myself.

I'm a compulsive researcher, so friends who got pregnant after me started asking for my lists, compilations, and spreadsheets. They even sent them to their friends. That's when I decided to create the resource I wish I'd had in the first place.

I'm not here to tell you what to do. I want you to make educated decisions that work for you and your family, not just go along with mainstream advice because that's all you've heard. It's like the argument against abstinence-only education: you should really know what your options are--just in case.

...And that clearly didn't work because you're knocked up! (Congrats, by the way.)

I hope you feel comfortable here. I promise not to kick you in the ribs OR the cervix, so I'm one up on your baby already.